"Kelvin A Memory Always"
Its not the memories I have, its the memories I leave behind
Saturday 25th June 2005
This week, there is a "pile" of shit and a few tears & The Other "S" Word !!!
Granny Smith, here ! Born, in the good olde USA in 19??. Came to NZ in 19?? Apples, my green car always had bags of Granny Smith Apples for Krazy Kelvin, in the boot. His family would eat Granny Smith Apple pie with New Zealand Hokey Pokey Ice Cream soon as they were baked. Krazy Kelvin's mum always made the most nicest pastry with suet. Krazy Kelvin the creator of Kelvin A Memory Always was a Master Storyteller who will no doubt keep the Angels in Heaven spell-bound with his krazy stories when he takes his "Stairway To Heaven" - the same way he kept neighbourhood kids spell-bound. Your path needed to cross Krazy Kelvins only once, because once you meet him you couldn't forget him and he didn't forget you either. He made you laugh till you cried with his krazy stories which seem to go on & on & on, till the Sun went down !!! This krazy krazy blog seems to be heading the same way - on & on & on !!! He is hoping that the younger generations of his nephews & nieces will carry on this krazy blog, well into the Next Century !!! Kelvin Yorke alias Krazy Kelvin is human, believe me - I know because I was there when he first came into this world. I had to smack his bum a few times, before he let out a scream !!! Next week, I'll have have one of those Pray Tell stories, for you all - it was a big Krazy Kelvin this time not a little one that let out a scream. Anyway I am warning you to finish your Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner or what-ever it is you are eating before you sit down to read this weeks krazy blog. Also make sure you are facing down-wind and not into the wind, or else you may need one of my good old-fashion spring-loaded wooden pegs on your nose. Because of all the # 2 (I would of prefered they had used the term # 2 instead of the "s" word, but I arrived too late) flying around this week, I TOLD Kelvin, I was coming on board Kelvin A Memory Always as the censor. I'll be watching all the P's & Q's as well as doing proof reading and answering any Questions that arise in your emails. Well got to go - nature is calling me.............!!! Bye (Nature seems to call quite often these days - one of the many hazzards of old age I'm afraid). Granny Smith - Your o:-) Censor
I'm back .....with # 920 - # 939 - Double Post !!!
(Don't worry you have got till next Saturday 2th July to read all this)
Kia Ora Everyone,
Boy !!! If you keyed in "Kelvin A Memory Always" you would find this krazy krazy blog, is not #110 000 of #110000, but ......# 1 - out of 110 000 - I kid you not ! Plus there are other number one's as well - how many I don't know, but there are no number two's !!! Yahoo & Blogspot - I no doubt owe you a "shout" so if you go over the road there, I'll shout out to you - THANKS YAHOO & BLOGSPOT !!! Loud enough for you !!! Krazzzy.......!!! Since been listed on the Yahoo search engine though, reports & emails are flooding in of a strange new species of teary-eyed & bushy tailed creatures, supposeably human, who have switched off their TV's and turned on their computers, not to play games but to read & re-read over & over again, this krazy krazy blog !!! Someone said that was blog was 50% fiction & 50% non-fiction (or was it the other way around - I can never remember these things, unless I write them down). While someone else said, it was 50% tears & 60% laughs. I would have to go with the tears & the laughs !!! You have got a lot to answer for Krazy Kelvin / Barb Hey - I tell it as I see it, leaving no stone or rock unturned as I search my brains & scratch my head for krazy things to write about from the past & the present and even the "future" !!! Anyway Barb, my excuse for been krazy is been hit in the head when I was a kid and "I scratched my skull" (# 987). What's your excuse ? You can't blame me - if anything I have just made you krazier, thats all. Anyway, lets get this show on the road, as we "tear" down Queen St............again !!!
FOOTNOTE: Saturday 25th - We are #ONE out of 126000 and climbing !!!!
PS: We are going to be using a few colours from now on, so you know who to blame if "the shit hits the fan", so to speak - Krazy Kelvin, Red ; Muggins, Maroon ; Busty Barb, Aqua (the nicest shade of blue); Granny Smith, Apple Green
Barb - I may change my mind - Aqua is a bit hard on my poor old eyes !!!
930. Down Memory Lane - "Xmas Day Tears On Queen St"
There no "pink pigs" within a million miles of this story - as we "tear" down Queen St........again !!!
The day started off really early at "sparrows fart", because after all it was Christmas Day !!! After having breakfast and doing a few other things, I left home with 2 plastic bags that I had filled from a big hamper a friend had given me, plus $200 in an envelope as I headed out to see another family for xmas day. I caught a bus into the middle of the city and then walked down Queen St to where my other bus was going to leave from to go out to East Auckland. It was about 10am. As I walked through what was then known as Queen Elizabeth Square at the bottom of Queen St, I saw this big maori fella sitting by himself - his head slightly down and I could see that he had a "sad" look on his face. Been Xmas day, (even it had been any other day, I know I still would of went over to talk to him) I walked over to him, even though I was in a hurry to catch a bus. He looked up - I said Merry Xmas, boy (even though he would of been in his late 20's) and gave him a hug. You could see the tears started to form in his eyes. He had been sitting there for a while yet no one had even stopped to talk to him, even just to say Merry Xmas, to him. It took Krazy Kelvin to stop !!! I don't know why someone didn't stop - I suppose people didn't look beyond the fact that he was a maori, had dreglocks & 2 bone carvings around his neck. He had just got into town from Australia after been away from "home" for a few years. His family had paid for his airfare home as well as for a ticket to his home town. He had nothing with him, no bag, just the clothes that he was in, including a demin jacket. Within 10 minutes of me sitting down to talk to him, he was really crying !!! He had his head on my shoulder, so I don't know what people thought as they walked past us (Anyway, I didn't give a shit what they thought !!!) Here was someone that was in need of someone to talk to - I wasn't going to turn my back and walk away from him. I let him talk & cry and get it all out. He had no gifts to take home with him so I said to him, that he could have the 2 plastic bags that I had with me. That started the tears again as he reached over and gave me a hug. But it didn't end there - remember I am Krazy Kelvin and this is a krazy krazy blog !!! I reached into my pocket for a pen and the envelope containing the money. I put a line through the name of the family I had wrote on the envelope, that I "was" heading out to see, for xmas day. I put my hand out with the envelope and said to him that there was $200 in the envelope - it was his !!! He must of thought that I was an o:-) from Heaven. He took the envelope, gave me a hug again - then looked at the envelope at the name I had crossed out. It was a very uncommon name as far as surnames go. Tears started again, because ........it turned out that he knew the "name". In fact the family was from his own home town and he even gone to school with some of them. This was part of the same family I was heading out to see at East Auckland. After all this, there was no way, I was going to leave him, so I rang the family and told them that I'd be there, sometime !!! Then I hung out with him, we walked around town, I brought us a feed a couple of times and something to drink and then I went to see him off on his bus "home" at 4pm. Just before he stepped on to the bus, he turned to me and gave me a big hug, tears in his eyes - again !!! He took his demin jacket off and went to "give" it to me, but I could never take the shirt from someones back, let alone a jacket, even if it was offered as it was all he had !!! I have seen him once since then and no doubt I'll see him again - one day. I may of missed out on xmas dinner, but hey I made a friend for life. It also turned out, that he was part maori/part islander and he had come home so his extended family could take him., "home" to the islands to get the tatoos done as per the islanders custom, as he is someday, destined to become a "chief" of a village, back in the islands. One day, I could be "sunning" myself under a palm tree - don't worry, I will have a laptop so I can keep this krazy krazy blog going and may be later on in the night when I shut my lap-top off, I'll might have a lap-dance !!! Krazzzzzy to the kore !!!
Footnote: This "chief to be", has nothing to do with the other "chief" of a village of 25000 people in Ghana, who I know. (He is due back towards the end of July - with photos !!!) It was when I was with the "Ghana chief", that I meet and shook hands with the NZ prime minister, Helen Clark. But that is another story for another day..........I'll also tell you about a "lost opportunity" !!!
931. Little Gems - A Bird In Cowshit !!!
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold though, that the bird froze and fell to the ground, in a field. While it was lying there, a cow came along and dropped some cowshit on it. As the poor little frozen bird laid there, in the pile of cowshit, it began to realise how warm it was. The cowshit was actually thawing him out. He laid there all warm & happy and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and went to investigate. He discovered the bird in the pile of cowshit, dug him out and promptly ate him.
The moral of the story is ....
1. Not everyone that drops shit on you, is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of the shit, is your friend.
3. When you are in deep shit, keep your mouth shut.
932. More Little Gems - Ass Icons
These were passed on to me by someone (she, who shall remain nameless) who in turn received them from a fella named "Bruce" !!! They were further down the blog, but I deleted them and moved them here, as it seem a more appropriate place amongst all the shit !!! I've added a few more as well.
(_!_) Small Ass; (__!__) Fat Ass; ( ! ) Tight Ass; (_*_ ) Sore Ass; (_$$$_) Rich Ass; (_c_) Poor Ass; (_E=mc2_) Smart Ass; (_2+2=5_) Dumb Ass; (_x_) Dude Kiss My Ass; (_@_) Blocked ass; (_#1_) Numbered Ass.
Sorry, I have to go - nature calls ........!!! I'll be back after Bookworm has finished her bits / Krazy Kelvin
933. Review - Book: Digital Fortress / Dan Brown
Hi Bookworm again ! How many of you have read the book reviews, I have wrote for this krazy blog ? I bet no one has !!! If no one reads this review, maybe you should think of changing your name from Bookworm to "Hope" / Muggins What ? Hope as in HOPE that someone reads this ? No ! Hope as in Hope-less !!! / Muggins Krazy Kelvin, get him out of here before I kick his butt, harder than its been kicked before ! I'd leave if I was you Muggins, because Barb would have a lot more weight behind her kick ! Can I go now - nature is still calling.........urgently !!!
Men !!! How is a woman supposed to work with those two. I think I will start my own blog ! (ssshhh - I'll take a peek at # 938 after this) I am sure that any women reading this, will visit me, if I start my own blog. Won't you ??? We could talk about girly things !!! Leave me a comment. And Muggins, don't you dare leave any rude comments unless you want to have to stand up all week. Sorry about all that, now where was I ?
Anyway, buy this book as it is well worth staying home for. Make sure you take the phone off the hook, have a drink or three handy and settle in for the long haul. IF YOU HAVE A MAN, STICK HIM IN THE DOG BOX !!!
Here we go ......
Another good book, this time dedicated to National Security (yet again, showing what the Big Boys in power, get away with) For those interested in the deeper side of computers, you will enjoy this as Dan Brown yet again, goes into the full meanings & terms of the subject. I found it a bit much, but as I have said before with Dan's writing, he gives full information on his subjects. Anyway aside from that, the story line which is well done, keeps you reading to find the answer and Dan's subjects are once again - real !!! His writing makes you (me anyway) stop and think about the way, things are run, by the people who say they are looking after us. Very cleverly written, shows betrayal on all sides, with the heroine not only fighting for her country, but also for her life and the life of the man, she loves. Once again, well done but this time and only because I found the details of the computer world, a bit much (Don't let that put you off though) I would have to rate this book 8 out of 10.
934. All Wired Up !!!
This will be of interest to anyone who travels around NZ, staying in motorcamps, as well as those that can afford to hire luxury motorhomes......those kiwis returning home for a holiday, maybe ???
While most New Zealand campsites have internet rooms available for the use of campers, some campsites are going one step further and getting all wired up for wireless internet access "hotspots". Starting at a campsite in Auckland in July and travelling down the main tourist trunk to other tourist sites, it will be a blessing to those that cannot do without a "computer". The "hotspots" will enable tourists to go on line, while they are in the camping ground. You can also hire luxury motorhomes, which have a "computer on board". Tourists can view their digital photos, burn them to CD's, as well as watch DVD's while on the road. A good way to keep the kids amused ? Then when you get to the camping grounds that have "hotspots" you can go on-line. I suppose it's the way the world is moving...........make sure you have a got a copy of "Digital Fortress" to read, while you are on the road. And.......don't forget to pick up hitch-hikers. Anyone with the "money" to hire a luxury motorhome, can't be all that bad - can they ?
Footnote: I saw an article, about a thief who tried to siphon "petrol" out of a camper van but put the hose in the wrong tank......the hose that he was using and "his lunch" was found by the camper van, but funnily enough the thief who would of been well & truly oozing shit both ends, was no where to seen. Can someone give him a bar of soap - if they see him, because he will need to wash his mouth out !!!
935. Living - Recipe: Lunchbox Brown e(yes)
Grease a 19cm x 29cm slice pan. Line bases & sides with baking paper, extending paper about 2cm above the top of pan. Place 175g chopped butter & 1 1/4c caster sugar in a saucepan. Stir over low heat, until the butter is melted and sugar dissolved. Whisk in 3 eggs. Sift together - 1/2c plain flour; 1/3c self raising flour; 1/3c cocoa. Combine with mix in saucepan. Stir in 100g chopped white chocolate & 100g chopped milk chocolate. Pour mixture into prepared slice pan. Cook in a moderate oven, 180oC for about 40 minutes or until cooked, when tested with a skewer. Cover with foil, if over-browning. Cool in pan. Cut into squares and dust with sifted cocoa. Enjoy..........but watch out for Muggins !!!
936. She Is An Oldie But A Goodie
During the typing up of this "post", I had to refer to a dictionary which belongs to a friend, a "few" times for certain words. I thought I would look up some other words as well just to see if they were there. (I assure you that I didn't look up any "rude" words and they are words I can spell without the need of a dictionary). I just wanted to see, if the following were in it...they were - "Computer" - calculator; "web" - spiders web; "monitor" - one who gives warning or advice, shall I go on ? Other words never even got a mention - blog, weblog, internet, emoticon, email, online, modem, wired-up, hotspots. How old is the dictionary ??? Not that old - 1963 !!! When I give it back to the old(er) "lady" I borrowed it from, I'll tell her she is really showing her age. I'll just make sure she ain't in the kitchen baking and using the old wooden rolling pin she has got, because she will no doubt throw the dictionary back at me followed by the rolling pin ! I wouldn't mind if she followed that up, with her baking as well, (I don't mind if it drops on the floor - a little of dirt never hurt any one) because I have to say one thing for her - she is a great cook, but old(er) than me, much older ! In fact she is so old, she still prefers to use her "outhouse" with little squares of paper and lots of webs - spider webs that is !!! She won't use the indoor toilet ! If you asked her if she was "wired-up" and or if she had any "hotspots" you would more than likely end up with a thick ear, because she would think that you were talking about her under-garments & her "body". I think I will ask her, if she is wired-up and if she does have any "hotspots" but from a distance of course - after all I am Krazzzy !!!
937. GRANNY SMITH
Granny Smith here !!! This is a secret, so I can only tell you once - I overhead them all talking about "competitions" with prizes, for this krazy krazy blog. Plus Krazy Kelvin is going to take to the sky in the summer. Don't worry, he ain't going to Heaven - not just yet anyway. I heard mention 16000 feet, plane, sky-diving (what-ever that is), hot air balloon, helicopter, plus a few other krazy things. So we are going to be in for an exciting krazy summer togther as Krazy Kelvin shares his krazy memories & photos with us all. You would never get me jumping out of a plane thats for sure. I am old(er) than most people as Krazy Kelvin so kindly puts it and as for my "outhouse", I like "spiders". Maybe I'll send some to Busty Barb - blame Krazy Kelvin, get my own back on him, for the above (hehehe). Busty Barb likes most "nature" creatures but she doesn't like "spiders" - too many feelers. I wonder how she would go with a nice xmas gift of "an optopus" - from Muggins. They think that because I am old & grey-haired that I can't hear, but I assure you that there is nothing wrong with my hearing. I ain't going to tell them either. Whats it worth Granny Smith, to say nothing ? Who are you? I haven't seen you on this krazy blog before. That's because I haven't been here before. I'm coming on board soon as a Roving Reporter for Around New Zealand as I have travelled Around New Zealand quite a lot. Whats your name? Bill - short for William !!! I know that. I don't know about Around New Zealand, but it certain looks like you have been "around the track" quite a few times !!! You don't mince words do you Granny Smith ? Hey, at my age you say whats on your mind or nothing at all. I'm sure we will get on like a train on fire. I hope we do for your sake. o:-)
937. Your Thoughts Please.........
On the news, a couple of weeks ago, was a story of a hitch-hiker who was hitch-hiking from Rotorua to Auckland, been picked up by a vehicle containing 3 male persons. This poor hitch-hiker, who was a tourist to our shores, was robbed of his backpack & other belongings and tied to a tree. I think that the vehicle of the driver should be confiscated by the authorties & sold, with the money given to the tourist. Even if its quite a few thousand dollars. If the person still owes money on the vehicle, hey just tough shit !!! He will just have to work and pay it off, won't he ??? Plus if the passengers in that vehicle own their own vehicles, their vehicles should also be confiscated and sold, with the money given to charity. Send a "clear message" to anyone, that is certainly no way to treat hitch-hikers. That tourist was a visitor to our shores and look what happens to him. When he goes "home" you be assured that the first thing that he tells his friends won't be about our beautiful country, but about been robbed - they in turn will tell their friends and so on ...!!! There was no story or anything in the next days newspaper, so I don't know how he got on. Hopefully people reached out and helped him. No matter where in the world you go, you always strike some "bad apples" in the barrel. But its sickening when you hear about a tourist been robbed or anyone been robbed for that matter. (I myself, have been "mugged" once but not by "Muggins", I assure you !).Tourists form part of the backbone of any country - without tourists you have got shit all ??? What can we tell tourists - travel in pairs ? Make a mental note of the number plate ? What can you say ??? Your comments please !!!
Krazy Kelvin's comments: They tied the poor hitch-hiker to the tree, so maybe the authorties should let the hitch-hiker tie the 3 of them to a tree. If I was that hitch-hiker I wouldn't hang them by their neck, I would use their leg - the middle one !!! Maybe they should bring the old "stocks" back, put the 3 of them in there and provide rotten eggs & tomatoes for people to throw at them.They could always borrow the ones at the museum and set them up at the bottom of Queen St !!! What can I say ???
938. Create Your Own Blog ???
Hey - if I can do it, anyone can do it !!! Boy, thats telling them - you didn't know the arse end from the front end of a blog / Muggins
Muggins, if you don't keep quiet, I'll get Busty Barb to sit on you ! Ohooo, do you promise ? / Muggins. Honestly though, he is right for once. Someone had left me some old, womans magazines - one of which I picked up to read, during lunch one day - Black Friday 13th May to be precise. I only picked it up, because it had my birth-date on the cover - no other reason. To cut a long story short, it had an article about starting your own blog so that night.... and, well here we are with this krazy krazy blog. It doesn't cost you anything. You can use your blog, as a simple way of keeping family & friends up to date, no matter where they live. You can even put "photos" on your blog (I haven't learn "how" yet, but I will get there). Say, you had parents, grandparents who lived in another country - you could put photos of your children, grandchildren on your blog, so they can see them. Your blog doesn't have to be public - it can remain private. You can give family members, your code word so they no matter where they live, they can put "their latest news" on the blog. If you are travelling around, you can keep family up to date. It is also possible to create blogs, for groups & teams, etc. The term Blog, is derived from the words web-log and refers to an on-line journal. Blogs are accessed just like a web-site - a hell of a lot easier though, believe me. Your blog could be be carried on by the next generation/s. Just imagine future generations of your own family looking "back in time" and not only reading about you but seeing photos of you !!! (On second thoughts - I may not 'post" any photos of me ?) So, where do you go.......if you are aren't already a blogger (I know that there will be a few of you, because of my/our blog been on the Yahoo search engine) you should be able to click on the link at the top of my blog or try this - it may work www.blogger.com (Blogger is owned by Google). Don't forget, to come back & pay me a visit - tell me what your blog name is called and I'll include it on a list of blogs I am compiling, if you want me to. If you are already a "blogger" you are more than welcome to leave me your blog name - I'll visit you, then add your name to my list of blogs !
Footnote: I am thinking of compiling a list of "blogs" that I have paid a visit to, which are interesting, so when you come to visit our krazy krazy blog, you will also be able to click on a list of other blogs, to visit. Good idea ? Let me have your comments. Thats what this is all about - getting "feedback" & sharing, so I / we can make this great blog, an even greater blog. Don't forget, that if you do start your own blog, email me your blog name, so I can add it to the list as well.
939. Around NZ - A Public Loo
This caused a "shit" of emails over the past week, because in "Around NZ" last week, I mentioned that I was going to wite about a public loo !!! A few people got on their high horse and I don't think they have got off yet ! They said why write anything about a public loo, when there are thousands of "cleaner" things around NZ to write about ! What can I say I'm krazy ..........but you can climb down off your high horse now and answer the call of nature (because you must surely have a drain blockage by now) while I tell those whose feet stayed on the ground about this public loo, because it isn't just any public loo, it would have to be the most talked about & photographed public loo around NZ. Its in the north at, Kawakawa ............
Much has been written & said about Frederick Hundertwasser, artist & architect, who was born in Vienna, Austria. Here was a great architect who battled the straight lines. Among the gloriously idiosyncratic structures he designed are the Das Haus in Vienna; the Hotel Rogner-Bad in Blumau and The Public Loo in Kawakawa. Hundertwasser knew intuitively that a major part of a buildings function was to bring joy to its users and to those who passed by. Logical buildings don't attract tourists, but this public loo does. It has been said, that when you answer the call of nature, it is such that you feel like you want to settle in with a good book. Maybe we could send Bookworm up there and "Hope" it inspires her - to live there permanently !!! / Muggins The locals have apparently accepted the loo as the police have even discovered cannabis growing on the roof, which in fact has normal everyday grass growing on it, like a lawn. His house also had normal grass growing on the roof. His contribution to the "built environment", although not large, is of immense value. It asks the right questions and reacts vigorously against the norm. This of course is the significant artists prerogative but precious few artists have managed the move into architecture. His greatest legacy is in what he managed to get built. I found a photo of the artist, but I can't find the one I had of his house, where you can clearly see the "lawn" growing on the roof. (I don't know how they they trim the grass Muggins, but I certainly didn't see any goat, tethered to the roof, in the photo) This loo was the last public building he designed and help build before he died aboard the QEII cruise ship, off the coast of Australia, on February 19th, 2000 age 71.
I'll be back ........... we will get cleaners in, before we "post" next Saturday, I promise !!!
Porkies..........Krazy Kelvin has got his fingers crossed / Muggins
ssshhh .......I'll fix him - when Muggins comes over with his girlfriend who is blind, I'll wait until he is standing next to her then I'll "pinch her". He will get the blame "again" for something I did !!! Krazzzy !!! Hey this is a krazy krazy blog, with a lot more to come, so keep coming back ! I can't remember what is under all the stones & rocks in my head, until I turn them over. If you don't don't know whats in your head, you've got problems - "memory blockage" !!! I supposed its a lot better & a lot cleaner than a "drain" blockage. Got to go ............nature calls !!! Those of you that still have the old "outhouses", especially in the outbacks, be careful, when you sit down - you never know what is going to "pop" up out of the bog. The same way you never know what is going to "pop" up out of this krazy krazy blog. You have to keep coming back.........Take care all, where ever you are in the world when you read this & God Bless !!! I love you all..........not ! Krazzzzzzy !!!