GREAT WORLD BLOG STORY ???

12.05am Saturday 25th June 2005

Krazy Kelvin (Red) Muggins (Maroon) Barb (Aqua) Granny Smith / Apple Green - Censor
B. I have changed my mind - I want BLUE !!! Aqua is too hard on my old eyes !!!
Women !!!!

MUGGINS arrives......
M. Hi BUSTY BARB !!! Hi GRANNY SMITH APPLE !!!! Where is KRAZY KELVIN ?
B. Thats for us to know and you to find out !!!
M. Are you two having a coffee ? MAKE ME ONE !!!
B. What ! Are your hands painted on ? Get it yourself !!! Men !!!
GS. Yeah !!! What did your last slave die of ???
M. Not getting me a coffee & answering me back !!!
GS. You know Muggins, you are starting to look more familiar every day for some reason. Very familiar !!!

I'm back...........hi everyone !!!
M. Shit, did you have to say it so loud. you scared the shit out of me !
K. Well, you had better go to the toilet then while I make us a cup of coffee.
M. Talking about "toilets" - who was it that used to paint out the " i " & the " s " on the toilets, all the time at school ?
K. Wasn't me !!! Anyway whats that "stink" ?
M. Unless you have forgotten, we have posted a pile of "shit" !!!
K. I aren't talking about that stink ! I'm talking about "perfume" by the smell of it.
B. Don't look at me, I don't wear any perfume !
GS. I don't wear perfume either, so it must be - Muggins ! Poofta !!!
K. Muggins !!! Are you wearing perfume ?
M. No ! It will be this - its a love letter from my girlfriend. She has dabbed her perfume on the paper.
K. Girlfriend !!! You - girlfriend !!! I didn't know you had a girlfriend.
M. Theres a lot of things that you don't know ! You haven't even got a girlfriend anyway, so speak for yourself.
K. Thats alright, I'll just wait until you're not looking and I'll pinch yours.
M. You had better not ! Anyway, its "looks" she's after !
K. Looks !!! Looks !!! What is she - blind ???
M. Yes, as a matter of fact, she is. She feels my face with her hands and then she feels my ....
GS. Muggins !!! Thanks, but we don't need ALL the details. After all this is a "family blog".
M. Could of fooled me with all this "shit" around !
GS. Well next week will be a lot cleaner & fresher believe me, because I'll be censoring everything next week !!! I may even add a bit more colour to the place, as well as a counter, advertising and maybe even some flowers !!!
K. Muggins and I are going to go for a walk to "blow the cobwebs" out next week as well !!!
M. Walk ! Thats the first I've heard of it ! You expect me to walk ? How long is this walk ?
K. Not very long ! About 3, maybe a little longer, Muggins !
M. 3 what ? How long is it ???
Muggins picks up his cup of coffee and takes a mouthful. Krazy Kelvin never misses a golden opportunity to .....
K. 3 to 4 hours !
Muggins just about chokes and coffee gets sprayed everywhere !!!
M. You waited until I had a mouthful of coffee ! You did that on purpose, you f..... .... !!! (censored / Granny Smith )
K. Got you !!! For your information, its called a "Coast to Coast" walk and its about 16km.
M. 16km !!! You are f..... (censored / Granny Smith ) krazy !!! There is no way in the world I would ever walk 1km, let alone 16km.
K. Come on, you will enjoy it !!! Hey, I will even shout you lunch, afterwards - hows that ?
B. By the look of Muggins, you better have a "fat wallet" Krazy Kelvin !
M. What about people looking at me ??? You can see how big I am !!!
GS. I am sure you won't have any worries Muggins ! People will feel the ground shake, think its an earthquake coming and they will be long gone !!!
K. Don't listen to them Muggins. They are just shit stirring ! We can just take as much time as you want.
B. Hey - what say I follow you two and when Muggins gets tired, you can text me. I'll pick him up and drop him off at the bridge.
M. You will do that for me ? Pick me up & drop me off at the bridge near my home ?
B. Who said anything about the bridge near your home ! I'm talking about the Auckland Harbour Bridge so you can jump off !!!
GS. I don't think that would be such a good idea, Barb ! Muggins would more than likely create a tidal wave from here to Kingdom Come if he jumped off the Auckland Harbour Bridge !
K. Did I missed something here, before I got back ???
M. You're determined to do this walk aren't you Krazy Kelvin ?
K. Yes, with or without you ! I want to do it, because I have never done it before, plus we will be able to write about it from first hand experience when we get back and share it with all the family & friends who keep returning, to read this krazy krazy blog.
GS. Why don't you just get a leaflet and write about the walk from that ?
K. It isn't the same as actually getting out there and "doing it" !!!
M. Ok !!! I will think about it !
K. Good on you Muggins, but hey there will be other walks later on, if you dont want to do this one.
M. Short ones ???
K. Yeah ! Short ones ! I think I had better take a short walk now, to bed. Time for you all to go home ! Drive carefully. Make sure Granny Smith gets settled in Barb, when you drop her off.
M. Can I stay the night, please !!!
K. Ok ! I'll make you up a bed in the spare room. But don't you spend all the night on the computer in there, looking at Yahoo or EBay like you did before, or I will go on EBAY and Trade YOU !!!
GS. You wouldn't get a dime for him !
B. Thats true ! You would have to "pay" someone to cart him to the dump !!!
M. Bye Busty Barb ! Bye Granny Smith Apple ! I love you too !!!
K. Bye Barb ! Bye Granny Smith !
B. Bye Krazy Kelvin & whats-his-face !.
GS. Yes, bye Krazy Kelvin & ???. I have forgotten your name ! I'll just call you 2x2 !
M. 2x2 ???
GS. Yeah ! Have you never heard that expression before ?
Granny Smith stretches out her hands - wide !!!
GS. Yeah, I would say that you would be 2 axe handles high & 2 axe handles wide. Well, maybe 3 axe handles wide and the sawdust left over from the wood of the handles, they must of put "upstairs" !!!
M. Upstairs ???

Granny Smith & Barb head home..............

K. Your bed is made up. Boy - you must like living on the edge, Muggins !
M. Yeah, it keeps my blood flowing !!! Good night Krazy Kelvin. Thanks for been a "Friend" !!!
K. Good night Muggins ! Sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite !!!
M. Bed Bugs !!! Bed Bugs !!! You put bugs in my bed ?
K. Got you again ! Boy, you are so gulliable. It's just a saying ! There are no bed bugs in your bed, at least I don't think there are !!!
M. Ohoooo !!!

Barb finally gets Granny Smith home and helps her inside the house.
GS. Do you know that there's going to be someone visiting us next week - Muggins "blind" girlfriend !!! I'll make sure that I get in first and and "pinch" her before Krazy Kelvin does and then I'll blame Muggins. Fancy him calling me Granny Smith Apple. I haven't been called that since I was a kid at school, by that bully, John. Him and his mates used to tease me all the time and pretend that I was an apple and try and bite me ! I fixed John good one day though - I kicked him in the gonads. I don't think he would of been able to have children later on in life. At least no one dared to tease me after I kicked him !!! Some young people these days have no respect whats so ever for their elders !!!
B. Don't worry about it, Granny Smith - Muggins is just been a Big Bully !!!
GS. Big Bully ??? Big Bully !!! Granny rushes out of the room..........
Barb rushes after her
B. Whats wrong Granny ? It looks like you have seen a GHOST !!!
GS. Photo album, photo album !!! Up there, up there !!! Quick !!!
Barb pulls the photo albums down from the top shelf of the wardrobe.
Granny Smith grabs one. She hunts through, looking for one of her class photos.
GS. There, look, look........John, the Big Bully !!!
B. He looks just like "Muggins" !!! I have got a photo of Muggins, Krazy Kelvin & I in my purse. I'll go and get it.
Barb rushes out to her car, trips head over heels and lands on her ... !!!
She comes back inside carrying a photo and rubbing her b.. !!!!
Granny snatches the photo and puts it along side the photo in the album.
GS. OMG !!! Oh my God !!! I need a drink - scotch & water, but go easy on the water !!! Make yourself one as well if you want one ! Its in the flour bin, in the kitchen.
B. Flour bin ???
GS. I have to hide it from my family when they come over !!! They think I drink, day in & day out, but I have "ONE", once in a BLUE MOON just to to shock my old bones ! I also need to phone Krazy Kelvin, to talk to Muggins and ask him what his fathers name is. I knew he looked very familiar, from the first time I saw him with Krazy Kelvin.
B. You can use my mobile, Muggins is keyed in. He will have his mobile with him. When you are finished, you just close it up.
Barb pushes the button for Muggins and hands the phone to Granny Smith and goes to make them both a drink.
Muggins mobile rings & rings.........finally he answers !
M. MUGGINS HERE, what do you WANT ???
Granny Smith has lost the plot and gone back in time ...........
GS. You are just a f....n Big Bully John !!! Just a f....n BIG BULLY and stop looking at dirty magazines or I'll tell the teacher !!!
M. Who is this..........Barbbbbbbbbbbbb is that you ???
Granny closes the phone and goes into the kitchen to get her drink, with a big smile on her dial and her hands in the air - YES !!!.(she needs a drink, after having such a big shock)
GS. Gee, the "tides out a bit" isn't it, Barb - fill her up !!! It could be the last drink I have before I take Krazy Kelvins "Stairway To Heaven". Have one with me if you want to Barb. I know you drink, because I heard Muggins say, you "Drink Like A Fish" !!!
B. Did he now ! I like to drink, but only at home because I would never drink & drive - no way !!! I like to get settled in bed with a good b......book and have a drink or two. Did you happen to hear anything else ?
GS. Yes ! Lots !!!
B. Pray Tell !!!
GS. I heard them talking about # 930 - # 939, with all the # 2's !!! Then they were going to use the other "S" word in # 920 - # 929. They have already fiinished it, but they wouldn't let me "censor" it !!! They said it would make my ears burn ???
B. I heard Krazy Kelvin talking about doing a "Double Post". Now I know thats why they posted # 930 - # 939 earlier than they usually do. Are you sure they weren't talking about "S" for summer ?
GS. Don't tell me, you have never ............!!!
B. Of course I have !!! But did you actually hear them say the "S" word ? Are you sure they weren't talking about Krazy Kelvins "S"ummer plans to go north to Cape Reinga....Ooppssssss !!!
GS. No ! They always say "S" rather than use the word around me, because they know I'll tell them off ! They know I wouldn't tell them off if they were using the "S" for summer !
B. Whats say we go back and have a look !
GS. Yeah !!! Then I can censor it, cut out all the "naughty bits" !!! We will show them, that I am the "chief cook" after all; Muggins is just the bottle washer and Krazy Kelvin is just the "nut" behind the wheel, as he puts it !!! We will show them that NOTHING gets pass me, without been inspected first !!!

Granny Smith & Barb get in the car and arrive back .............

B. ssshhh !!! You have to be as quiet as a mouse Granny when we go in !!! Remember its # 920 - # 929 we are going to have a look at it. We will have to use the old computer in the room where Muggins is sleeping. We can't risk using the computer Krazy Kelvin has borrowed that's in his room, because I don't know how to work it. I wonder what he is going to do, when he has to return the computer he has borrowed as the other one, is too old to be of much use. I suppose he will just "GIVE UP" - delete this blog !!! He talk of blogs going on for ever & a day - but if he does lose interest...........it will be - bye, bye !!! He will find something else to keep him off the streets !!!
GS. Taking about a mouse, I could put the PRAY TELL story on about Krazy Kelvin and the mouse !!! He gave me a key to this krazy krazy blog and said I could put on anything I wanted. So lets have a look........ I can't see anything !!! Its too small !!!
B. Thats the story of my life - too small !!!
GS. I forgot to bring my reading glasses, so I will tell you the story Barb and you can type it up. Then we will have a look at # 920 - # 929. I will show Krazy Kelvin he can't get anything passed me. We can't switch the light on, Muggins might wake up !!! Now where were we............
Barb sits in front in the monitor while Granny Smith whispers the story to Barb. Kelvin is the only registered person for this blog, so his name will show up under the post. (Hehehe)
GS. The day started off, just like any other day but.......Krazy Kelvin was sorting through some boxes in my kitchen for me.Helping me to have a clean out for the inorganic collection. He was on bended knees (no, he wasn't saying his prayers - well not this time anyway, but I think he did afterwards and also answered the call of nature - # 2. I know he had to use the "outhouse" because Muggins was taking all day, in the inside toilet, like usual) Anyway, he opened this box and peered in ..........peering back at him, was a..........tiny wee creature - a mouse !!! Boy !!! You should of heard Krazy Kelvin screammmmmmmmmm !!! (Even when he was born and I had to smack his bum a few times, he never screamed as loud. I am sure when he was born, he was holding his breath on purpose - KRAZY KELVIN (ssshhh, you will wake Muggins) from his first breath !!!) I don't know who got the biggest fright - Krazy kelvin or the mouse. I felt sorry for the poor wee mouse. To see this big bearded face peering down at him - I would of got a fright as well if I was the mouse !!! Just as well my house is old & sturdy like me, because his scream would of brought any modern house down, believe me ! Barb was in the other room and she heard him scream !
B. So loud was the scream, I thought he was been murdered - honestly !!!
GS. Krazy Kelvin was so quick, he closed the box, before the mouse could jump out and took the box outside. He was going to kill it, but Barb said she wanted a look first, as our Barb likes all natures creatures big & small except for "spiders" of course. So she goes outside to have a look at the tiny wee creature in the box and lets him go !!! By this time, Krazy Kelvin was long gone.........all you could see was his dust, as he rushed out to my "outhouse". I forgot to tell you Barb, after you let the mouse out, he went back out to the "outhouse" with a small plastic container, but it wasn't for the call of nature, he was collecting nature - "spiders" !!! I saw them in the plastic container, when he came back in the house. He asked for some brown wrapping paper & a pen !!! He wrapped the container up and addressed it. All I managed to see without my reading glasses was the word "Swanson". Do you live out Swanson ??? I remember Swanson clearly, because it was at the Redwood Park, where Krazy Kelvin, got hit in the head by that swing boat when he was a kid and he put his fingers in the "hole" and scratched his skull !!! (# 987). I was a nurse in those days, and lived not far from the Park. I was there that day having a swim, in the pool, when the accident happened. All the kids saw was Krazy Kelvin flying through the air,after he got hit - then all the "BLOOD" !!!There would of been some force behind the hit he took, because those swing-boats were big and could hold at least 6 kids. By the time the adults got there, all these kids were standing around Krazy Kelvin crying their eyes out. I would of been one of the first adults to get there. Krazy Kelvin was lying on the ground in the middle of all these kids. There was this one poor kid who was sitting on the ground with Krazy Kelvins head lying in his lap. He was stroking Krazy Kelvins face and his tears was mixing in with all the blood that was around. He was saying - "We all love you, Krazy Kelvin - don't die, don't die !!! It was then Krazy Kelvin open his eyes, lifted his fingers up and put his fingers into the hole and scratched his skull, before I could stop him !!!. That poor kid, who had Krazy Kelvins head in his lap, wouldn't let go of Krazy Kelvin. It took 3 adults to separate the two of them. The poor kid who wouldn't let go, because he thought Krazy Kelvin was dying, was - Muggins !!! He was going to go with him with Krazy Kelvin, if he died !!!
B. What did you say to Muggins on the phone, back at the house !
GS. Muggins ? I wasn't talking to Muggins, I was talking to "Big Bully John".
B. But when I handed you my mobile, it was Muggins number I pushed, so how could you of talked to "John" !
I think Granny Smith lost the plot well & truly - went back in time........... got confused when she looked at her class photo, with "Big Bully John" in it and the photo of Muggins, Krazy Kelvin & Barb !!!
GS. OMG !!! I was talking to "Muggins" and not "Big Bully John" ??? Oh my God !!!
B. I think we censor # 920 - # 929 and then we get out of here. Show me how you you bring up the blog !
GS. I don't know !!! Krazy Kelvin used to just called me over, while he had everything on screen and I would read through it and censor it, before he sent or posted or what-ever it is that you call it. Its all too confusing for me, at my age.
B. Don't worry, if Krazy Kelvin can do a BLOG without any help from anyone, I'm sure we will work it out between the two of us. As they say "Two heads are better than one" !!! You know, when he started this BLOG he asked around at least 10 friends, to get someone to help him as he would be -1 when it comes to computers, plus I have watched him when he types - he just uses two fingers. He also asked for "computer time" from friends, when they weren't going to be home, because he was using internet cafes and paying $2 per hour. He asked the "friends" that he has done the most for "first", but they all said too busy or NO!!!
GS. They all know what he is like when he gets hold of something NEW !!! If he loves it, he puts his heart & soul into it. He made "floating soap" as gifts for friends. I have still got a big, fish soap, he made for me that he wrapped in gold foil and called "Goldfish" soap. I have still got candles with "coloured flames" and I mean coloured, that he made for me. Green has green flame, Red has red, Purple has purple, you get the picture. I still have a "set of 7 colours of the rainbow candles" with coloured flames he gave me. He also made "Adult Chocolates" as gifts !!! Chocolates with chilli powder in them, which really blew your socks off !!! But boy they were nice !!!
B. Seven colours of the Rainbow ??? There are only 6 colours in a Rainbow !!!
GS. Hey, you are talking Krazy Kelvin here - there was a "black" in his rainbow as well !!! How he managed to do it I don't know. He has no partner - no one !!! Even though he has got family & friends around NZ and around the world - he walks alone !!! When he leaves us, all his those secrets & his memories will go with him, unless he finds a partner ! Well some of his memories will go with him. He has shared a few memories so far, with a lot more to come. Hopefully he won't lose interest !!! We have to help him all the way - walk with him as we all walk down "Memory Lane" together. Because once he leaves ........good-bye memories, goodbye laughter and good-bye tears !!! I Talking about ALL people here now - get your arse into gear and start your own blog !!! Jog those memory cells of yours and share those those memories with your family & friends. Even email some of those memories to this "Kelvin A Memory Always" krazy krazy BLOG of Kelvin John Murray Yorke, Auckland, New Zealand, The World !!! I am the censor, so if its printable and we have the "room" I know Krazy Kelvin will print it for you !!! He is that kind of guy. If only he picked one of his "true friends" to be a partner with him - that person would be set for life, but NO - he still walks alone. Now those friends who he asked for help, can see this krazy krazy blog going into "orbit", they are climbing over themselves to help him, but its too late. He came to see me and asked me. I watched & helped out where I could, but I must of been more of a hindrance than a help. He was really thankful because its a hell of a weight for him to carry "alone". Then you came into the picture Barb and helped out as well, where you could.
B. Anyway...lets have a look at # 920 - # 929, then we can get out of here. I think we have overstayed our welcome already !!!
Now which keys, do we push.......that one ! No ! This one ! No ! I can't find the right keys !!! (ssshhh, you will wake Muggins)
GS. What about that key there.........oopps !!!
B. GRANNY SMITH - what have you done !!!
GS. Tough shit - after all, he wouldn't let me censor it !!! Lets get out of here ! We'll say it was Muggins !!!
M. Barbbbbbbbbbbbb is that you ??? I swear it was her ! I'll have to stop eating Granny Smith's cooking or was it those 2 big packets of chocolate biscuits I ate. Krazy Kelvin keeps hiding all his "goodies" but I can smell chocolate at a 100 paces - he should know that by now !!! Back to dreamland zzzzzzzzzzzzZzZzZz !!!!!!!

Barb & I might be back, next week !!! burb - pardon me ssshhh o:-) Censor

# 930 - # 939 The "S" Word & # 920 - # 929 The Other "S" Word !!!

"Kelvin A Memory Always"

Its not the memories I have, its the memories I leave behind
Saturday 25th June 2005

WARNING !!!
This week, there is a "pile" of shit and a few tears & The Other "S" Word !!!

Granny Smith, here ! Born, in the good olde USA in 19??. Came to NZ in 19?? Apples, my green car always had bags of Granny Smith Apples for Krazy Kelvin, in the boot. His family would eat Granny Smith Apple pie with New Zealand Hokey Pokey Ice Cream soon as they were baked. Krazy Kelvin's mum always made the most nicest pastry with suet. Krazy Kelvin the creator of Kelvin A Memory Always was a Master Storyteller who will no doubt keep the Angels in Heaven spell-bound with his krazy stories when he takes his "Stairway To Heaven" - the same way he kept neighbourhood kids spell-bound. Your path needed to cross Krazy Kelvins only once, because once you meet him you couldn't forget him and he didn't forget you either. He made you laugh till you cried with his krazy stories which seem to go on & on & on, till the Sun went down !!! This krazy krazy blog seems to be heading the same way - on & on & on !!! He is hoping that the younger generations of his nephews & nieces will carry on this krazy blog, well into the Next Century !!! Kelvin Yorke alias Krazy Kelvin is human, believe me - I know because I was there when he first came into this world. I had to smack his bum a few times, before he let out a scream !!! Next week, I'll have have one of those Pray Tell stories, for you all - it was a big Krazy Kelvin this time not a little one that let out a scream. Anyway I am warning you to finish your Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner or what-ever it is you are eating before you sit down to read this weeks krazy blog. Also make sure you are facing down-wind and not into the wind, or else you may need one of my good old-fashion spring-loaded wooden pegs on your nose. Because of all the # 2 (I would of prefered they had used the term # 2 instead of the "s" word, but I arrived too late) flying around this week, I TOLD Kelvin, I was coming on board Kelvin A Memory Always as the censor. I'll be watching all the P's & Q's as well as doing proof reading and answering any Questions that arise in your emails. Well got to go - nature is calling me.............!!! Bye (Nature seems to call quite often these days - one of the many hazzards of old age I'm afraid). Granny Smith - Your o:-) Censor

I'm back .....with # 920 - # 939 - Double Post !!!
(Don't worry you have got till next Saturday 2th July to read all this)

Kia Ora Everyone,
Boy !!! If you keyed in "Kelvin A Memory Always" you would find this krazy krazy blog, is not #110 000 of #110000, but ......# 1 - out of 110 000 - I kid you not ! Plus there are other number one's as well - how many I don't know, but there are no number two's !!! Yahoo & Blogspot - I no doubt owe you a "shout" so if you go over the road there, I'll shout out to you - THANKS YAHOO & BLOGSPOT !!! Loud enough for you !!! Krazzzy.......!!! Since been listed on the Yahoo search engine though, reports & emails are flooding in of a strange new species of teary-eyed & bushy tailed creatures, supposeably human, who have switched off their TV's and turned on their computers, not to play games but to read & re-read over & over again, this krazy krazy blog !!! Someone said that was blog was 50% fiction & 50% non-fiction (or was it the other way around - I can never remember these things, unless I write them down). While someone else said, it was 50% tears & 60% laughs. I would have to go with the tears & the laughs !!! You have got a lot to answer for Krazy Kelvin / Barb Hey - I tell it as I see it, leaving no stone or rock unturned as I search my brains & scratch my head for krazy things to write about from the past & the present and even the "future" !!! Anyway Barb, my excuse for been krazy is been hit in the head when I was a kid and "I scratched my skull" (# 987). What's your excuse ? You can't blame me - if anything I have just made you krazier, thats all. Anyway, lets get this show on the road, as we "tear" down Queen St............again !!!
Krazy Kelvin

FOOTNOTE: Saturday 25th - We are #ONE out of 126000 and climbing !!!!

PS: We are going to be using a few colours from now on, so you know who to blame if "the shit hits the fan", so to speak - Krazy Kelvin, Red ; Muggins, Maroon ; Busty Barb, Aqua (the nicest shade of blue); Granny Smith, Apple Green
Barb - I may change my mind - Aqua is a bit hard on my poor old eyes !!!

930. Down Memory Lane - "Xmas Day Tears On Queen St"

There no "pink pigs" within a million miles of this story - as we "tear" down Queen St........again !!!

The day started off really early at "sparrows fart", because after all it was Christmas Day !!! After having breakfast and doing a few other things, I left home with 2 plastic bags that I had filled from a big hamper a friend had given me, plus $200 in an envelope as I headed out to see another family for xmas day. I caught a bus into the middle of the city and then walked down Queen St to where my other bus was going to leave from to go out to East Auckland. It was about 10am. As I walked through what was then known as Queen Elizabeth Square at the bottom of Queen St, I saw this big maori fella sitting by himself - his head slightly down and I could see that he had a "sad" look on his face. Been Xmas day, (even it had been any other day, I know I still would of went over to talk to him) I walked over to him, even though I was in a hurry to catch a bus. He looked up - I said Merry Xmas, boy (even though he would of been in his late 20's) and gave him a hug. You could see the tears started to form in his eyes. He had been sitting there for a while yet no one had even stopped to talk to him, even just to say Merry Xmas, to him. It took Krazy Kelvin to stop !!! I don't know why someone didn't stop - I suppose people didn't look beyond the fact that he was a maori, had dreglocks & 2 bone carvings around his neck. He had just got into town from Australia after been away from "home" for a few years. His family had paid for his airfare home as well as for a ticket to his home town. He had nothing with him, no bag, just the clothes that he was in, including a demin jacket. Within 10 minutes of me sitting down to talk to him, he was really crying !!! He had his head on my shoulder, so I don't know what people thought as they walked past us (Anyway, I didn't give a shit what they thought !!!) Here was someone that was in need of someone to talk to - I wasn't going to turn my back and walk away from him. I let him talk & cry and get it all out. He had no gifts to take home with him so I said to him, that he could have the 2 plastic bags that I had with me. That started the tears again as he reached over and gave me a hug. But it didn't end there - remember I am Krazy Kelvin and this is a krazy krazy blog !!! I reached into my pocket for a pen and the envelope containing the money. I put a line through the name of the family I had wrote on the envelope, that I "was" heading out to see, for xmas day. I put my hand out with the envelope and said to him that there was $200 in the envelope - it was his !!! He must of thought that I was an o:-) from Heaven. He took the envelope, gave me a hug again - then looked at the envelope at the name I had crossed out. It was a very uncommon name as far as surnames go. Tears started again, because ........it turned out that he knew the "name". In fact the family was from his own home town and he even gone to school with some of them. This was part of the same family I was heading out to see at East Auckland. After all this, there was no way, I was going to leave him, so I rang the family and told them that I'd be there, sometime !!! Then I hung out with him, we walked around town, I brought us a feed a couple of times and something to drink and then I went to see him off on his bus "home" at 4pm. Just before he stepped on to the bus, he turned to me and gave me a big hug, tears in his eyes - again !!! He took his demin jacket off and went to "give" it to me, but I could never take the shirt from someones back, let alone a jacket, even if it was offered as it was all he had !!! I have seen him once since then and no doubt I'll see him again - one day. I may of missed out on xmas dinner, but hey I made a friend for life. It also turned out, that he was part maori/part islander and he had come home so his extended family could take him., "home" to the islands to get the tatoos done as per the islanders custom, as he is someday, destined to become a "chief" of a village, back in the islands. One day, I could be "sunning" myself under a palm tree - don't worry, I will have a laptop so I can keep this krazy krazy blog going and may be later on in the night when I shut my lap-top off, I'll might have a lap-dance !!! Krazzzzzy to the kore !!!

Footnote: This "chief to be", has nothing to do with the other "chief" of a village of 25000 people in Ghana, who I know. (He is due back towards the end of July - with photos !!!) It was when I was with the "Ghana chief", that I meet and shook hands with the NZ prime minister, Helen Clark. But that is another story for another day..........I'll also tell you about a "lost opportunity" !!!

931. Little Gems - A Bird In Cowshit !!!

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold though, that the bird froze and fell to the ground, in a field. While it was lying there, a cow came along and dropped some cowshit on it. As the poor little frozen bird laid there, in the pile of cowshit, it began to realise how warm it was. The cowshit was actually thawing him out. He laid there all warm & happy and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and went to investigate. He discovered the bird in the pile of cowshit, dug him out and promptly ate him.
The moral of the story is ....
1. Not everyone that drops shit on you, is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of the shit, is your friend.
3. When you are in deep shit, keep your mouth shut.

932. More Little Gems - Ass Icons

These were passed on to me by someone (she, who shall remain nameless) who in turn received them from a fella named "Bruce" !!! They were further down the blog, but I deleted them and moved them here, as it seem a more appropriate place amongst all the shit !!! I've added a few more as well.

(_!_) Small Ass; (__!__) Fat Ass; ( ! ) Tight Ass; (_*_ ) Sore Ass; (_$$$_) Rich Ass; (_c_) Poor Ass; (_E=mc2_) Smart Ass; (_2+2=5_) Dumb Ass; (_x_) Dude Kiss My Ass; (_@_) Blocked ass; (_#1_) Numbered Ass.

Sorry, I have to go - nature calls ........!!! I'll be back after Bookworm has finished her bits / Krazy Kelvin

933. Review - Book: Digital Fortress / Dan Brown

Hi Bookworm again ! How many of you have read the book reviews, I have wrote for this krazy blog ? I bet no one has !!! If no one reads this review, maybe you should think of changing your name from Bookworm to "Hope" / Muggins What ? Hope as in HOPE that someone reads this ? No ! Hope as in Hope-less !!! / Muggins Krazy Kelvin, get him out of here before I kick his butt, harder than its been kicked before ! I'd leave if I was you Muggins, because Barb would have a lot more weight behind her kick ! Can I go now - nature is still calling.........urgently !!!

Men !!! How is a woman supposed to work with those two. I think I will start my own blog ! (ssshhh - I'll take a peek at # 938 after this) I am sure that any women reading this, will visit me, if I start my own blog. Won't you ??? We could talk about girly things !!! Leave me a comment. And Muggins, don't you dare leave any rude comments unless you want to have to stand up all week. Sorry about all that, now where was I ?
Anyway, buy this book as it is well worth staying home for. Make sure you take the phone off the hook, have a drink or three handy and settle in for the long haul. IF YOU HAVE A MAN, STICK HIM IN THE DOG BOX !!!

Here we go ......
Another good book, this time dedicated to National Security (yet again, showing what the Big Boys in power, get away with) For those interested in the deeper side of computers, you will enjoy this as Dan Brown yet again, goes into the full meanings & terms of the subject. I found it a bit much, but as I have said before with Dan's writing, he gives full information on his subjects. Anyway aside from that, the story line which is well done, keeps you reading to find the answer and Dan's subjects are once again - real !!! His writing makes you (me anyway) stop and think about the way, things are run, by the people who say they are looking after us. Very cleverly written, shows betrayal on all sides, with the heroine not only fighting for her country, but also for her life and the life of the man, she loves. Once again, well done but this time and only because I found the details of the computer world, a bit much (Don't let that put you off though) I would have to rate this book 8 out of 10.

Bookworm

934. All Wired Up !!!

This will be of interest to anyone who travels around NZ, staying in motorcamps, as well as those that can afford to hire luxury motorhomes......those kiwis returning home for a holiday, maybe ???
While most New Zealand campsites have internet rooms available for the use of campers, some campsites are going one step further and getting all wired up for wireless internet access "hotspots". Starting at a campsite in Auckland in July and travelling down the main tourist trunk to other tourist sites, it will be a blessing to those that cannot do without a "computer". The "hotspots" will enable tourists to go on line, while they are in the camping ground. You can also hire luxury motorhomes, which have a "computer on board". Tourists can view their digital photos, burn them to CD's, as well as watch DVD's while on the road. A good way to keep the kids amused ? Then when you get to the camping grounds that have "hotspots" you can go on-line. I suppose it's the way the world is moving...........make sure you have a got a copy of "Digital Fortress" to read, while you are on the road. And.......don't forget to pick up hitch-hikers. Anyone with the "money" to hire a luxury motorhome, can't be all that bad - can they ?

Footnote: I saw an article, about a thief who tried to siphon "petrol" out of a camper van but put the hose in the wrong tank......the hose that he was using and "his lunch" was found by the camper van, but funnily enough the thief who would of been well & truly oozing shit both ends, was no where to seen. Can someone give him a bar of soap - if they see him, because he will need to wash his mouth out !!!

935. Living - Recipe: Lunchbox Brown e(yes)

Grease a 19cm x 29cm slice pan. Line bases & sides with baking paper, extending paper about 2cm above the top of pan. Place 175g chopped butter & 1 1/4c caster sugar in a saucepan. Stir over low heat, until the butter is melted and sugar dissolved. Whisk in 3 eggs. Sift together - 1/2c plain flour; 1/3c self raising flour; 1/3c cocoa. Combine with mix in saucepan. Stir in 100g chopped white chocolate & 100g chopped milk chocolate. Pour mixture into prepared slice pan. Cook in a moderate oven, 180oC for about 40 minutes or until cooked, when tested with a skewer. Cover with foil, if over-browning. Cool in pan. Cut into squares and dust with sifted cocoa. Enjoy..........but watch out for Muggins !!!

936. She Is An Oldie But A Goodie

During the typing up of this "post", I had to refer to a dictionary which belongs to a friend, a "few" times for certain words. I thought I would look up some other words as well just to see if they were there. (I assure you that I didn't look up any "rude" words and they are words I can spell without the need of a dictionary). I just wanted to see, if the following were in it...they were - "Computer" - calculator; "web" - spiders web; "monitor" - one who gives warning or advice, shall I go on ? Other words never even got a mention - blog, weblog, internet, emoticon, email, online, modem, wired-up, hotspots. How old is the dictionary ??? Not that old - 1963 !!! When I give it back to the old(er) "lady" I borrowed it from, I'll tell her she is really showing her age. I'll just make sure she ain't in the kitchen baking and using the old wooden rolling pin she has got, because she will no doubt throw the dictionary back at me followed by the rolling pin ! I wouldn't mind if she followed that up, with her baking as well, (I don't mind if it drops on the floor - a little of dirt never hurt any one) because I have to say one thing for her - she is a great cook, but old(er) than me, much older ! In fact she is so old, she still prefers to use her "outhouse" with little squares of paper and lots of webs - spider webs that is !!! She won't use the indoor toilet ! If you asked her if she was "wired-up" and or if she had any "hotspots" you would more than likely end up with a thick ear, because she would think that you were talking about her under-garments & her "body". I think I will ask her, if she is wired-up and if she does have any "hotspots" but from a distance of course - after all I am Krazzzy !!!

937. GRANNY SMITH

Granny Smith here !!! This is a secret, so I can only tell you once - I overhead them all talking about "competitions" with prizes, for this krazy krazy blog. Plus Krazy Kelvin is going to take to the sky in the summer. Don't worry, he ain't going to Heaven - not just yet anyway. I heard mention 16000 feet, plane, sky-diving (what-ever that is), hot air balloon, helicopter, plus a few other krazy things. So we are going to be in for an exciting krazy summer togther as Krazy Kelvin shares his krazy memories & photos with us all. You would never get me jumping out of a plane thats for sure. I am old(er) than most people as Krazy Kelvin so kindly puts it and as for my "outhouse", I like "spiders". Maybe I'll send some to Busty Barb - blame Krazy Kelvin, get my own back on him, for the above (hehehe). Busty Barb likes most "nature" creatures but she doesn't like "spiders" - too many feelers. I wonder how she would go with a nice xmas gift of "an optopus" - from Muggins. They think that because I am old & grey-haired that I can't hear, but I assure you that there is nothing wrong with my hearing. I ain't going to tell them either. Whats it worth Granny Smith, to say nothing ? Who are you? I haven't seen you on this krazy blog before. That's because I haven't been here before. I'm coming on board soon as a Roving Reporter for Around New Zealand as I have travelled Around New Zealand quite a lot. Whats your name? Bill - short for William !!! I know that. I don't know about Around New Zealand, but it certain looks like you have been "around the track" quite a few times !!! You don't mince words do you Granny Smith ? Hey, at my age you say whats on your mind or nothing at all. I'm sure we will get on like a train on fire. I hope we do for your sake. o:-)


937. Your Thoughts Please.........

On the news, a couple of weeks ago, was a story of a hitch-hiker who was hitch-hiking from Rotorua to Auckland, been picked up by a vehicle containing 3 male persons. This poor hitch-hiker, who was a tourist to our shores, was robbed of his backpack & other belongings and tied to a tree. I think that the vehicle of the driver should be confiscated by the authorties & sold, with the money given to the tourist. Even if its quite a few thousand dollars. If the person still owes money on the vehicle, hey just tough shit !!! He will just have to work and pay it off, won't he ??? Plus if the passengers in that vehicle own their own vehicles, their vehicles should also be confiscated and sold, with the money given to charity. Send a "clear message" to anyone, that is certainly no way to treat hitch-hikers. That tourist was a visitor to our shores and look what happens to him. When he goes "home" you be assured that the first thing that he tells his friends won't be about our beautiful country, but about been robbed - they in turn will tell their friends and so on ...!!! There was no story or anything in the next days newspaper, so I don't know how he got on. Hopefully people reached out and helped him. No matter where in the world you go, you always strike some "bad apples" in the barrel. But its sickening when you hear about a tourist been robbed or anyone been robbed for that matter. (I myself, have been "mugged" once but not by "Muggins", I assure you !).Tourists form part of the backbone of any country - without tourists you have got shit all ??? What can we tell tourists - travel in pairs ? Make a mental note of the number plate ? What can you say ??? Your comments please !!!

Krazy Kelvin's comments: They tied the poor hitch-hiker to the tree, so maybe the authorties should let the hitch-hiker tie the 3 of them to a tree. If I was that hitch-hiker I wouldn't hang them by their neck, I would use their leg - the middle one !!! Maybe they should bring the old "stocks" back, put the 3 of them in there and provide rotten eggs & tomatoes for people to throw at them.They could always borrow the ones at the museum and set them up at the bottom of Queen St !!! What can I say ???

938. Create Your Own Blog ???

Hey - if I can do it, anyone can do it !!! Boy, thats telling them - you didn't know the arse end from the front end of a blog / Muggins
Muggins, if you don't keep quiet, I'll get Busty Barb to sit on you ! Ohooo, do you promise ? / Muggins. Honestly though, he is right for once. Someone had left me some old, womans magazines - one of which I picked up to read, during lunch one day - Black Friday 13th May to be precise. I only picked it up, because it had my birth-date on the cover - no other reason. To cut a long story short, it had an article about starting your own blog so that night.... and, well here we are with this krazy krazy blog. It doesn't cost you anything. You can use your blog, as a simple way of keeping family & friends up to date, no matter where they live. You can even put "photos" on your blog (I haven't learn "how" yet, but I will get there). Say, you had parents, grandparents who lived in another country - you could put photos of your children, grandchildren on your blog, so they can see them. Your blog doesn't have to be public - it can remain private. You can give family members, your code word so they no matter where they live, they can put "their latest news" on the blog. If you are travelling around, you can keep family up to date. It is also possible to create blogs, for groups & teams, etc. The term Blog, is derived from the words web-log and refers to an on-line journal. Blogs are accessed just like a web-site - a hell of a lot easier though, believe me. Your blog could be be carried on by the next generation/s. Just imagine future generations of your own family looking "back in time" and not only reading about you but seeing photos of you !!! (On second thoughts - I may not 'post" any photos of me ?) So, where do you go.......if you are aren't already a blogger (I know that there will be a few of you, because of my/our blog been on the Yahoo search engine) you should be able to click on the link at the top of my blog or try this - it may work www.blogger.com (Blogger is owned by Google). Don't forget, to come back & pay me a visit - tell me what your blog name is called and I'll include it on a list of blogs I am compiling, if you want me to. If you are already a "blogger" you are more than welcome to leave me your blog name - I'll visit you, then add your name to my list of blogs !

Footnote: I am thinking of compiling a list of "blogs" that I have paid a visit to, which are interesting, so when you come to visit our krazy krazy blog, you will also be able to click on a list of other blogs, to visit. Good idea ? Let me have your comments. Thats what this is all about - getting "feedback" & sharing, so I / we can make this great blog, an even greater blog. Don't forget, that if you do start your own blog, email me your blog name, so I can add it to the list as well.

939. Around NZ - A Public Loo

This caused a "shit" of emails over the past week, because in "Around NZ" last week, I mentioned that I was going to wite about a public loo !!! A few people got on their high horse and I don't think they have got off yet ! They said why write anything about a public loo, when there are thousands of "cleaner" things around NZ to write about ! What can I say I'm krazy ..........but you can climb down off your high horse now and answer the call of nature (because you must surely have a drain blockage by now) while I tell those whose feet stayed on the ground about this public loo, because it isn't just any public loo, it would have to be the most talked about & photographed public loo around NZ. Its in the north at, Kawakawa ............

Much has been written & said about Frederick Hundertwasser, artist & architect, who was born in Vienna, Austria. Here was a great architect who battled the straight lines. Among the gloriously idiosyncratic structures he designed are the Das Haus in Vienna; the Hotel Rogner-Bad in Blumau and The Public Loo in Kawakawa. Hundertwasser knew intuitively that a major part of a buildings function was to bring joy to its users and to those who passed by. Logical buildings don't attract tourists, but this public loo does. It has been said, that when you answer the call of nature, it is such that you feel like you want to settle in with a good book. Maybe we could send Bookworm up there and "Hope" it inspires her - to live there permanently !!! / Muggins The locals have apparently accepted the loo as the police have even discovered cannabis growing on the roof, which in fact has normal everyday grass growing on it, like a lawn. His house also had normal grass growing on the roof. His contribution to the "built environment", although not large, is of immense value. It asks the right questions and reacts vigorously against the norm. This of course is the significant artists prerogative but precious few artists have managed the move into architecture. His greatest legacy is in what he managed to get built. I found a photo of the artist, but I can't find the one I had of his house, where you can clearly see the "lawn" growing on the roof. (I don't know how they they trim the grass Muggins, but I certainly didn't see any goat, tethered to the roof, in the photo) This loo was the last public building he designed and help build before he died aboard the QEII cruise ship, off the coast of Australia, on February 19th, 2000 age 71.

I'll be back ........... we will get cleaners in, before we "post" next Saturday, I promise !!!
Porkies..........Krazy Kelvin has got his fingers crossed / Muggins

ssshhh .......I'll fix him - when Muggins comes over with his girlfriend who is blind, I'll wait until he is standing next to her then I'll "pinch her". He will get the blame "again" for something I did !!! Krazzzy !!! Hey this is a krazy krazy blog, with a lot more to come, so keep coming back ! I can't remember what is under all the stones & rocks in my head, until I turn them over. If you don't don't know whats in your head, you've got problems - "memory blockage" !!! I supposed its a lot better & a lot cleaner than a "drain" blockage. Got to go ............nature calls !!! Those of you that still have the old "outhouses", especially in the outbacks, be careful, when you sit down - you never know what is going to "pop" up out of the bog. The same way you never know what is going to "pop" up out of this krazy krazy blog. You have to keep coming back.........Take care all, where ever you are in the world when you read this & God Bless !!! I love you all..........not ! Krazzzzzzy !!!

Kelvin John Murray Yorke - the one & only in the world - omg

YAHOO YAHOO YAHOO YAHOO YAOOO
...Barb.............Ray.......Krazy Kelvin........... Jay...........Muggins

For once in my life, words are hard to find as I type this - slowly, because I know some of you can not read fast !
Boy !!! Where does one start to say thanks ??? It would have to be all those people behind the scenes at Blogspot & Yahoo plus............ all the family & friends (those I have and those to come) around NZ and around the world who have taken the time to read this krazy krazy blog, from its even krazier creator - Kelvin John Murray Yorke - the one & only in the world, from down-under in New Zealand. omg
There no "pink pigs" within a million miles of this story........

If you went on to the Yahoo search engine and typed in Kelvin Yorke - you might have a big search because there are 3310 places you have to search. If you typed in "Krazy Kelvin" you would have a bigger search, because there is 5190 places you have to search. If you typed in "Kelvin A Memory Always" there is .......wait for it - 109000 places to search. But........ you need not worry about trying to find me, because Yahoo (thanks a million) has me listed at NUMBER ONE under the 3 headings !!! How many more number One's I have got, I do not know, but for someone to go from Zilch City to Number One in less than 5 weeks is ........??? I started my krazy blog on Black Friday 13th of May 2005. It was on that day, when I picked up a copy of an old, womans magazinen (I only picked it up, because it had my birth date on the cover) to read while I had lunch, that I saw an article about starting your own blog. So that night I started my blog and as the saying goes - the rest is history !!! They say if you have got it - flaunt it ! I am talking about writing krazy things, not ...!!! I have already had one book offer, even we became listed on the Yahoo search engine. I have put a lot into my/our blog and believe me - there is a lot more to come. I will be more regular from now on, so somewhere between the hours of 8pm Fri & 8pm Sat., I will "post" the mix of 10 as well as "Muggins". From time to time, there will also find other "posts" from contributors on this krazy blog. Any other blogger out there that wants "Muggins" on their Blog, email me ! kjmkama@yahoo.com
Take care everyone !!!
My thoughts & prayers are with you all, where-ever in the world you are when you read this.
This is the one & only in the world: Kelvin John Murray Yorke - alias Krazy Kelvin.....krazy to the kore !!!

"Its not so much the memories I have, its the memories I leave behind"

P.S: Sometimes Yahoo takes me off their search engine, to do an update, but like me ....it comes back to # 1 !!!

Kelvin Yorke & Muggins

Kia Ora Everyone

Welcome to our krazy krazy blog. I need to borrow your brains (if you have got any, that is) for a minute, then you can email me kjmkama@yahoo.com and let me know what you think of this idea. You see, this krazy blog is going to get bigger - much bigger - there's no question about it. So - do we just have the "post of 10" on this blog each week, start a second blog for "Muggins" and a third blog for contributions from family & friends from not only around NZ but also around the world or do we just carry on as per normal and put "everything" on this one blog and see how it goes ? It will be easy enough to transfer "posts" to other blogs, if/when the need arises to do transfers. (I may need a transfer myself at some stage - a brain transfer !!!) Now that didn't tax your tax your brains too much, did it ? So you can have your brains back now - I don't know whose the sawdust was. I'll leave it up to you - do we do separate blogs or do we stick together. After all this is "OUR BLOG" - your home away from home - I am but the krazy "nut" behind the wheel !!! If we start getting toooo big, we could even start a "board" and let them make all the decisions. All the young(er) ones could eventually take over this krazy blog and keep it going. I can just imagine kids in 100 years time, coming across Kelvin A Memory Always and thinking -

"Boy, if Mum thinks we're krazy, she should read this blog ! This was one really krazy krazy kid". Mum, mum you have to read this krazy blog. "I always have, because he was my Great Great Uncle and your Great Great Great Uncle Kelvin as well as a friend to many people around NZ & around the world".

So as I said before - you never know, one day we could all end up as "stars". If I become a star before you, I will shine my light down so you can see "THE STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN" !!! I will be waiting at the top of the stairs for you. Am I a good friend to you or what ??? So lets see all those emails on whether we should separate (I aren't talking about humans who are reading this krazy blog - we will be friends for ever & a day) and have different blogs or should we stick "together", then I'll let you know if you are a good friend to me, or what !!!

K. Muggins, you're crying !!!
M. No !!! I've just got a little bit of dust in my eyes and its making them water, thats all !
Someone is telling porkies. You will never go to Heaven ! Hey, I have just had a brain-wave !!!
Boy, Krazy kelvin thats dangerous for someone your age !
What if I give people "links" to other blogs, which I have enjoyed reading ?
Now you are really talking krazy. If a krazy person enjoys reading another persons blog, imagine what it could do to a sane person - it would not only blow them off their seat, but more than likely blow their pants off as well.
I think I am going to have to let you sit on the "board", Muggins.
Me !!! You will let me sit on the board ? Me !!!
Yeah ! The board sticking off the end of the jetty, I broke when I was a kid.
You broke THAT jetty !!! You broke that jetty !!! You didn't say a word at the time - not a word !!!
No ! I never said anything, for the simple reason because I knew you would get blamed.
You let me take the blame, for something that you broke ? A jetty !!! You could of broken something small !
Don't worry, when-ever I broke anything, big or small and you were around, I always blamed you or let you take the blame. I may of been a krazy kid, but I wasn't silly !
Muggins closes his eyes and starts counting. He always closes his eyes and counts to 20, when he is angry. When he is really angry, you can actually see steam coming out his ears. I think this is one of those times !
Krazy Kelvin has left the building !
Muggins finally opens his eyes......
Kelvinnnnnnn !!!
Krazy Kelvin is long gone, he ain't silly ........all you can see is his dust !!!

Ssshhh ! That jetty I broke - the silly man was stupid enough to build it next door to where we were living, anyway so don't feel sorry for him. Someone should of warned him that a krazy kid lived next door. The jetty was nearly finished, but they still had piles to put in place along the sides of the second half. So, what does krazy Kelvin go and do when no one is around ??? He walks right out to the end of the jetty and jumps .... up & down on it !!! The result been half a jetty and a bloody good raft. I think Muggins may of ended up with the piles after that - piles of kicks up the butt !!! I kept telling him that he was a "mug" to be friends with me, but.... he would not listen. he always kept coming back. Thats how he ended up with the nickname - "Muggins". He always called me a f...... krazy kid !!! A krazy kid maybe but nevertheless a kid ! I know Muggins will forgive me - he always does, because we have known each other for donkeys years. This time, I may have to turn on my charm a bit - just a weeny bit though, because I don't want to spoil my image for been krazy, do I ? .

I'll be back ........ next week with # 930 - # 939 & Muggins ??? yeah, he will !!!

Kelvin Yorke # 940 - # 949

I'm back .........

Saturday 18th June, 2005 kjmkama@yahoo.com

Kia Ora Everyone,
If you are a "first time" visitor, to this krazy krazy blog, start at the bottom of the bog - sorry blog - # 999 which will be in the May archives. But if you have travelled down this road before, you will know what number you left off at. Click on the latest month & you will see all the latest "posts". The first person who has taken up the offer of been a regular contributor is - " Busty Barb". Welcome aboard - I am sure you will find somewhere to sit. It doesn't matter where you sit Barb, just plonk your butt down, so we can get moving and get this show on the road. Yeah, you can sit on Muggins lap if you want - he won't mind. Noooo !! She can't sit on my lap, she will squashed my nuts !!! Muggins !!! Not those nuts, thessseee nuts ! With that, Muggins puts his hands in his pants and pulls out his nuts - 2 peanuts in shells, he has been carrying around to remind him of Ray & Jay, who left the country to be roving reporters for this krazy blog and other blogs, who have taken "Muggins" into their blog "home".Anyone else who wants to come on board as a regular contributor, please see # 950. But you had better hurry, as the offer is closing off soon. You don't have to be krazy, but it helps !!! Once you are on board, you are welcome to get off, any time that you want to. We will slow down and open the door for you so you can jump, as we won't be stopping just to let someone off, because we have such a load on board that every time we stop, it takes me a while for me to "put the pedal to the metal" and get this krazy, krazy blog rolling again, as we head to # 1 - in the world !!! Just be careful though, that when you jump and hit the road, we don't run you over because we want you alive so you can tell all your friends about this krazy krazy blog ......
" Kelvin A Memory Always "
Take care all.
Krazy Kelvin

Coming up next week in # 930 - # 939
Around NZ - A public loo !!!
Down Memory Lane - Krazy Kelvin: "Xmas Day Tears On Queen St"
Little Gems - A Bird In CowS hit.
Living - Recipe: Lunchbox Brownies
Review - Book: Digital Fortress / Dan Brown
Plus ????? to make up the post of 10

# 940. My Many Friends - Where Do You All Fit In ???

I will start off by telling you about 2 of the many friends, who have crossed my path over the years. I will call them - A & Z. Why ? You are about to find out ! I have known Z about 10 years, while A I have known less than a year. As far apart as these two letters of the alphabet are, so is A & Z's attitude on life. With A you could not wish for a better friend - he is a really down-to-earth awesome guy, who really cares about his friends and who would "give" you the shirt off his back. Whereas Z on the other hand treats his friends like "mushrooms" - keeps them in the dark & feeds them shit. If you didn't give Z the shirt off your back, he would just take it. A has never been in trouble. He is lilly white - well he says he is. (if you are holding out on me A, I'll kick your butt into next week !) Whereas Z has several middle names, all begining with a capital T ! Trouble, Trouble, Trouble - you get the big picture. Z has not long been back in town after been away on a paid holiday for a couple of years. The latest is that Z while driving drunk, ran a poor lady over, killing her in the process, did a runner, got caught and is now looking at another "longer" paid holiday. A & Z, Good & Bad, Heaven & Hell !!! So My many friends - where do you all fit in ? You are all in there somewhere between A & Z ! You are all really awesome friends, no doubt nearer A than Z. Well as least I hope you all are nearer A. To me, a friend is a friend because who knows given time, their attitude (hopefully, he says) on life may change. To have 2 friends, whose attitude on life is so totally different, seems so unreal but it doesn't end there, read on .......

941. How I Met "A"

In early December 2004, during my search for a place to lay my head, I came across an ad "small room available, $70 per week". I was making a list of the ads, so I added this ad to it. It was a few days later after looking at other places, that I sent a text message to the mobile number. I asked if the room was still available & what age. A reply came back that the room was still available and as he was 21, he was looking for someone up to age 30. I sent a text back, to say I was over 30 & wished who-ever it was a merry xmas ! The end ? No !!! A text came back giving me the address and also saying he wasn't too fussed about age - after all age is just a number. To cut a long text/story short, I gave him my address and he came into see me first - then I went to have a look at the room. He wasn't kidding when he said "small room" - hell, it was so small, the mice were hunch-back !!! But with me been single & the room only about 5 minutes walk from work, I decided to take it. (In fact, even before I had a look at the room, I had decided to take it, so I already had money in my pocket). I gave A, 4 weeks rent as well as an early xmas present and started moving my stuff in the next day. The house #13, wasn't anything to write home about, but to me it's not the house that makes it a "home" - it's the people within. I had looked at a few places, before I got to #13. Some of them were really nice places, but the people within were so far up themselves, its a wonder they could breath. Me, been Krazy Kelvin even told them so. Then - to hit #13 was like a breath of fresh air. A didn't have much more than his "friendship" and his "music" - he was so down-to-earth, that the only way I could see him going was up and I told him that. Strange as it may seem, despite our age difference, we got on really well together as flatmates. I must of been living there at least a couple of weeks or more, when one day I phoned the house and got the answer phone. Up until that point in time A & I knew each other only by our first names, so just as well I was sitting down. We just took each other at face value and no surnames were mentioned. I heard A on the answer phone say - "This is ... ...... / if you don't leave a message, I won't know you called". I couldn't believe it and nor will you.........I knew that A & Z shared the same first name but as it turned out, they also shared the same surname, which isn't all that common - I kid you not !!! After all the trouble & shit with Z, my first thoughts were "walk" away. Tell A I had change my mind and find another place - let him keep the rent & xmas gift. I certainly didn't need another person with the same names as Z in my life. But.....I stayed ! As it turned out, the only thing A & Z had got in common was their first & last names. I dare not ask them what their middle names are. Before you email me - no, they are not related in any way or form, apart from both been human of course. Z would be about 15 years older than A, as well. I sometimes wondered about A though as he seem a little "spaced out" with his music and as for Z - what can you say !!! Hopefully this next paid holiday, will see Z with a changed attitude on life, when he comes back to town, again ! As for A, he really didn't have all that much, so I ended up paying all the rent as well as keeping the fridge & cupboards stocked with food. I know that if / when he makes it big time, he will pay me back, with interest ! It still doesn't end there though, as someone else, also came into the picture at # 13 in early January. He too turned out to be so "low" and down-to-earth as well, that the only way he can go, is up !!! At least I hope that they are both now on that rise to the top, so that in a few years time if I am still around, I can hold out both hands and say "pay back time, boys" - money, money, money - puts a funny feeling in my tummy !!! Kkkkkkkkkrazy.
Take care U2

942.Little Gems - Bird Talk !!!

When ever you sit down to eat with Barb, you never know what subject/s she is going to suddenly talk about at the table. Sometimes you need a cast-iron stomach, because one day we got a running commentary on the anotomy of birds. Did you ever wonder why bird (the feathered kind) droppings are so runny ? (I hope you aren't eating while you are reading this - at least I am giving you a warning. We didn't get any warning while we were quietly eating our lunch). It is because "birds" only have one hole & they do both # 1 & # 2 at the same time and thats why it comes out all runny. It doesn't stop to do # 1 and then 5 minutes later think it's time to do # 2. It just thinks, I want to go - theres a human - bombs away ...... pooooooo !!! Thats the short version. If you think that was bad, reserve your decision until you read what she writes about, "her" version of the "human" species. Don't worry, I will post a warning flag, because believe me after getting a running commentary first hand on it, I know what you are in for. Once you see the article in this krazy blog, you may want to answer the call of nature first (we don't want any "drain" blockages) before you actually start reading the article. Because after you have read it, you may like to send her an email ...a long one and tell her what you think of her idea of the human species !!! (Don't worry Barb, I'll be watching comments and I will delete any rude ones, before you see them) Don't look at me, I only let her loose .......... on this krazy blog !!!

943. Walking - Does It Keep You Fit ???

I think it does keep you fit - look at me - skinny as ! I don't own a vehicle, so I "walk" just about everywhere. I would walk at least 5kms oper day, if not more. I can walk an average of about 6km in an hour. Now & again I use public transport. There are a lot of friends in the Auckland area, who keep telling me, that if / when I want to go anywhere, give them a ring, but I never do. It doesn't matter how long I have been friends with a person, I do not like imposing on anybody. Some of those friends I have known for 20 years or more but it makes no difference - I still "walk". After you have read this, those of you who only think I am krazy,will KNOW I am not only krazy, but "nuts", as well. Because one xmas I stayed at a backpackers right up on the hills above the township of Helensville, out west. I walked from there all the way out to a nut farm and back again - about 36km in total. When I told a friend (he will keep) his comment to me was - "You walked 18km to a "nut" farm and they didn't keep you there ?" Noooo !!! It was the wrong kind of "nuts". It was the Macadamia McNut Farm & Cafe, that I went to have a look at. Was it worth it, did you say - Yes & No ! Yes, the people were very nice and helpful & No - they were all "nuts" out there anyway !!!

944. Book Review - Deception Point / Dan Brown

No religion this time - just "space" (NASA), presidency and politics is the theme of this one. Once again, Dan Brown goes into the specifics of NASA, space, species, etc. (Personally, I think he does this to create a real dimension to his writing). Anyway as far as the story goes, he captures your attention. This time most of it happens on the ice (a chilly place to be - read it and I am sure you will agree) Once again, lots of bodies, intrigue and wondering - especially with politics involved, when they do stand up and be counted ! There were ??? times in this book - one time I remember when they are on the boat, I could actually see the demons that they spoke of (I can't let out too secrets - but I could actually picture the scenario and had to keep turning the page to see how it panned out, holding my breath at times as I am not a person that likes to think of the things that swim under water - especially those things that eat us!) Again turns and outcomes that I did not expect. Overrall a good book that once again captures the reader not only in intrigue but also shows that politics as we know it, never is really honest to the joe public, but we hope eventually that the good will come out .I rate this again as 9 out of 10
Well I hope this entices you (if you haven't already so) to indulge yourself in this great book and the one I wrote of in # 954.
It would be interesting to see if you agree with my thoughts - I am sure that Krazy Kelvin and myself would appreciate your comments and it may even entice me to continue with this theme.
GOOD READING TO YOU ALL - BYE FOR NOW
Bookworm

945. Down Memory Lane - An Abundance Of Food.
When I was a kid, living at Wolfe St, Whangarei, there were never any wolves at our door, as our parents (God Bless them) always made sure we had an abundance of food. There always seemed to be cake tins of home baking, all sorts of home-grown vegetables, eggs from our own fowl house (when the fowls stopped laying, they got eaten as well), as well as a large number fruit trees in our back yard. Despite all this food, we were always looking over the neighbours fence. In our case the saying - "the grass is always greener on the other side" also applied to the neighbours fruit trees. When they weren't home of course. It wasn't us ! Must of been those kids from up the road ! Then went we moved north to Yorke Rd, Haruru Falls there was even a greater number of fruit trees (less neighbours, but bigger areas of fruit trees) as well as roadside blackberry bushes. Plus we had a "huge" market garden. It was huge, believe me because us kids had to help weed it, munching on tomatoes, carrots, peas, etc. We also had lots of shellfish, as well as other fish & whitebait. At night we used to get the latterns and go spear-fishing for flounder. We had a dinghy to go fishing on, up & down the Waitangi River - the same river I tried to cross over, to play in the mud on the other side but very nearly ended up crossing over to somewhere else, if a cousin hadn't pulled me out. My mouth waters at the memories of all that shellfish & fish. You can buy shellfish & fish in the shops of course, but how fresh is it ? When you picked it or caught it yourself - "fresh" ! I can't recall any set time when we sat down for dinner, either at Whangarei or Haruru Falls. When it was ready, you got called "once". If you didn't hear the call, tough shit - you missed out. When you had a belly full of fruit though, you didn't dare answer the call, because once you sat down at the table and that plate was put in front of you - you had to sit there until you finished. It didn't matter what it was or if you like it or not - you ate it. Sometimes I wished that we had a dog - sitting under the table !!!

946. Living - Recipe: Pineapple Fruit Cake

Mix together - 1 packet mixed fruit; 450g tin pineapple; 1 tsp Baking Soda; 100g Butter; 3/4c Sugar; 2 tsps Mixed Spice., in a saucepan over medium heat until the butter is melted, stirring while this takes place. Simmer for 3 minutes. Remove from the heat and let cool. When cold, mix in - 2 Eggs & 1 to 2 tsps of Almond or Rum Flavouring. Sift in 2 tsps of Baking Powder and 2c Flour. Mix all together and put into a greased square tin. Cook for 1 hour on 350o. Take out and enjoy - it is really tasty and easy to make. Happy cooking.

Muggins !!! Get out of there, it' still hot !

# 947. Down Memory Lane - There Are No Strangers In The World !!!

When I think back to the spate of accidents I had, as well as the krazy things I got up to as a kid, it makes me wonder that how I managed to get this far in life. I would of been about 10/11 - 13 when we lived up north about 8 miles from Paihia, so what does Krazy Kelvin do ??? What else - he puts out his thumb and hitch-hikes to Paihia or walks !!! It never entered my head not to do it and I can't recall anyone telling me not to do it. I know, even if I had been told not to do it, I would of went ahead and did it anyway. In those days, I was a krazy young rebel - these days I am .... ! (no need to leave a comment) There is an old saying, which I don't know how long it has been around which I really took to heart - "There are no strangers in the world, just friends that you haven't met". I would stop and talk to anyone, it didn't matter how old they were and sometimes I would even take them home to met the family !!! If you thought you had problems, when your kids walked in the door with strange animals, spare a thought for my parents, when I walked in the door with strange people all the time !!! They must had a heart attack. I remember one day I stopped to talk to an "old" truck driver in Paihia, who had a huge truck. I would of been about 12, so to me he was "old" ! Anyway to cut a long story short, he gave me a lift home right to our door. It was no mean feat, as the last couple of miles was metal roads, which petered out into a clay road, with a bit of metal.The last bit of road, was cut out into the side of a hill, with hardly any room for a normal vehicle, let alone a huge truck. There was also a sharp bend half way down the hill. I don't know what our family thought seeing the truck, heading down the hill. Anyway, I took the driver (who gave me his name & address in Auckland) in to meet the family and have a cup of tea. I think Dad may of given him a cup of something stronger, because he still had to get up the hill, which was far worst than coming down. One of my older sisters, who happened to be visiting from Auckland, asked the driver if he would give her a lift back to Auckland. He said, that was no problem, just go and ask his girlfriend who was asleep in the truck. She walks out to the truck, with all us following behind - I didn't say anything - she opens the door and there's his girlfriend sitting on the front seat - a "sausage dog" !!! We all had a good laugh. Did I ever see that truck driver again ......??? I did when I ran away, but thats another story for another day.

948. Text & Email - Emoticoms

Letting other people know how you feel, isn't always easier. Faced with this problem, people began using simple punctuation marks as a way to express their moods and the feelings of each other. Emoticoms known as smileys are facial expressions of gestures made by using keystrokes to produce an image - viewed sideways. They started with a happy face :-) then went on from there - :-( Unhappy; # - ) wiped out/partied all night; :-o Shocked; %*) Inebriated; %-( Confused; % Hangover; ((xx)) Hugs & Kisses; @}------ A Rose; 8-) Stressed; :-( ) Loud mouth; :+) Got punched in the nose; %-) Dazed or silly; :;( Crying; o:-) Angel. More to come ??? Maybe !

949. Around NZ - First Place To See The Sun !!!

Due to the number of requests received, "Around NZ" will be a regular feature in this blog. I was going to mention Explorers To Our Shores, but as we mentioned the "Last Place" in # 959, I have decided to mention the "First Place To See The Sun".

As the sun rises each day, its shafts of light strike the summit of darkness - soon however, Mt Hikurangi is bathed in sunlight - the first place in the world to see the sun ! At 1754m, it is the highest point in the Raukumara Range. It is a sacred mountain, to the people whose origins lie in the lands surrounding it. Its importance stretches back well beyond history, to a time when Maui, the mythical hero was providing us with many of the benefits that we take for granted today. Legend claims that it was Maui who gave us Mt Hikurangi, when he fished it up from the sea. Gisborne is NZ's easterly city and therefore one of the closest to the International Dateline, making it the first city in the world to see the dawning of a new day & a new memory !!!

I'll be back ...... with # 930 - # 939 & Muggins !!!